My picture of the day:
It's windy in Dallas.
I've been having a terrible time, so that's why I haven't posted my promised blog about Lebanon.
I just talked to my mom, and she was like "Alice, you have to choose between therapy and Arabic tutoring... and let me just mention, the therapy is going to cost $200, and the tutor will only cost $20."
I had to choose between my health and my future, pretty much... so I chose Arabic tutoring, because I
need to know the language inside and out by 2011. I guess I'll just have to hope I don't kill myself before then.
It just pisses me off that I have to make these decisions. I know, people are probably saying, "Well you're lucky to even get one! Some people can't afford any of it!" Well, that sucks for them, but my grandfather is a fucking millionaire, and he gives us money to live... My mother spends hundreds on massages every month. Does she really
need those massages? No, of course not. She could spend that money on my fucking mental health. Plus she gets child support every now and then, and of course, she spends that money on herself. Why the fuck don't I get the help I need when we obviously have the funds? Oh, right, she's too busy spending it on herself.
I feel like no one cares about how I turn out... and I know that's not true, but I can't help the way I feel right now.
Ugh. Is it stupid to be crying about this?
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I like how it burns my throat and warms my ears, and somehow everything seems to fade away...
--edit
To top it all off, Tracy died today (from heart problems).
Comments (3)
Your mother is making me screaming angry.....You need to go back to her and tell her that is an unfair choice and she's not taking your depression seriously. And if you want to guarantee she will squiggle, first find a $180 therapist so that it's no longer a money issue
God, I'm sorry, Alice. That is not a decision a person should ever have to make - feeling or future. Have to say, I'm not very happy with your mother right now, and I don't even know her. Hah. Well, since you can't go to therapy, if you ever need to rant to someone, you know I'm always here. I know it's not exactly an awesome option, but I thought I'd throw the offer out there. And you're a smart girl. I think if you play your cards right, post-high school will be a phenomenal time for you. Good luck.
P.S. I'm not sure who Tracy is, but I'm sorry for your loss, as well. :/